MY WORTH DIARY

Going To Change

2012-01-30T03:35:00.000-08:00

I hav lost my sense some time dont know when i can get back to my own real life...
Is that the people around me make me this changes or the environment i facing everyday, i think i alwaz ask my ownself until solution not even really come out yet.
Some of the thing i dont know really correct or not that i have decide and i know that no body can help me to solve this problem also. Should i accept the fact or should i think until the answer really come out in my mind. haiz......really headache and scared the conclusion that will be facing soon.
I really lost of direction of life, IS THERE ANY BODY CAN HELP ME ???

New Change For My Life

2011-11-06T08:49:00.000-08:00

I dont knw why some time i feel myself like a different person and some time still immatured.

I knw many thing had happen to me for this 3 years time but i still facing it by keep on changing myself and be though for it .....i dnt knw why some of the time i can face all this problem even though all the problem can make me become psycho but i hope i can do my best and dnt show it in front of anyone

When i think back what problem and what the thing i had done, i really hope the time return bck and i want to change it all from the beginning. I know that are stupid thinking and fantasy even many people still thinking that. My life really have ruin out by so many people until i feel want to give up to this kind of life.....i sit back and think of myself and my family and also my frenz that they all are still standing behind me and support me ...i knw i dnt hav a true frenz but i still treat them as my close frenz. Last time when childhood like to fight with parents if i dnt agree what they said and what they do for me, but now i think they do all that are good for me and i really regrets what i fight bck to them.....i really LOVE THEM SO MUCH

I got a lot of thing need to said it but i think it will take a long time so i decide wont state it anymore just be as my memory in mind. I think this is the time to change my mind to set a new goal and face the coming life, because i cant change the pass so i should face the present time.... :)

All the that need to start from beginning may be hard for me but i will keep trying and going on with it, so i try my best to do it a new way and be a new person that i want to be now. No matter how hard i will face all kind of problem that will come to me, i will stand strong to continue facing the new progress.....cheers myself up and GAMBATEH !!! I CAN DO IT :)

Suck of My Life

2011-08-04T09:37:00.000-07:00

i already tired for all this keep on turning on ..in my life
when all this can be stop ,so that i have a most memorable life
even i want all this to be change but still come bck to me the same thing
i already dnt knw how to see a personality of others becoz of all this

An Elephant & A Mouse Story (new edition)

2011-02-21T02:50:00.000-08:00

If u really want to have a real WAR then u hav to come to me ...not me to come to admit all this....all this is your want to knw about and not me to face a stupid and fucking u are .....(elephant & mouse)

I also admit myself have the wrong in many things....but u're more wrong becoz didnt change yourself after people have said the truth of u

If i'm a bitch and wat u are ....u are such a CHILDISH person, fucking FAKER'S that no1 knw about it but i knw many thing about u .....just i didnt said it out yet, if u really want me to list down ...i will do it happily and write in a long list for u to see wat the truth that had happen behind u and u had blindly happy go lucky

i will list it down that wat i knw as below:

Elephant said: that 'mouse' skinny until no boobs.....and like to show off many guy
pic that she hav and dnt knw whether she saying the truth or just
copy and paste from others place to showing off that she are
attracted by guy ....

Mouse said : why suddenly that 'elephant' be nice to u(1 person).....the body
already so big size and no wonder got no guy like her ...she so
irritating....why she like alwaz dnt hav money until borrow other
people money....

Mouse actually is the PRETENDER & BACK STABBER even to her best frenz

One day , 1 of the pig walk pass by to the forest and over heard all the conversation that animal are talking and this PIG were so BIG MOUTH and wanted to share all the 'good news' regarding the conversation of the animal was talking behind that Elephant & Mouse ....

the PIG was so happy becoz of this news and she can become so popular among her frenz

The animal from the forest wanted to react as innocent so they started to build up their own theories and they blame the peacock's for being pretender whereby actually in their heart they knw truly that they are the REAL BITCH AND SLUT!!!!!!!!!!

FreaKing CraZy

2010-10-19T06:59:00.000-07:00

Time getting longer i like dont know who am i now ........
like a bird that lost of direction until sometime want to return bck to the pass time
i know time cant be turn back
Izit i already crazy or too bored until like to think too much
could anybody that really can help this lost bird????

Actually i want to talk with some1 that i really hurt last time but i already not brave enough to face it and dnt knw wat to do
but in my heart got many word want to said about it
should i said it or not ??
all this thing alwaz appear in my mind and sometime i can become crazy until like psycho person

i think i try to said some here
actually what i said on that day on phone not all is true
some i had cheated it
just u dnt knw about it
becoz i want u do concentrate on something
and i also want to try to think bck many thing thats why i said like that to u
At here i want to said "so sorry ....sorry and pls forgive what i do to u "
i dnt knw wat to do already i just can said all these here
But what u hav said to me everything i already forgive about it
I knw every people also got their own bad attitude and characteristics
that day i make u and talk like that to u
until i think many month only i find out what i really wrong on

if u see this blog and want to know more deeply u can msg me
but dnt call me becoz when i on the phone i cant even talk a word
i will be like wood and dnt knw wat to said
if u didnt reply me all anything
i will understand that, and i didnt expect what u will do after read this blog
But i just feel more comfortable when i said it out
if not i will alwaz thinking it everyday

Really hope u can forgive it, i dnt want people to be hated me like that

really crazy and angry

2010-07-17T06:18:00.000-07:00

wat kind of thing i do that no 1 like me
i hate people that dnt knw everything and didnt know about me
and said something that not nice to hear
u thought i'm wat your enemy or your object to fuck of everytime

if u dnt knw about me dnt said too much
actually u wrong
u more disgusting and more ugliest things that i never ever seen it before
a people like u wont hav a real frenz for so long
pls i advice u go and see yourself in front of a mirror
wat a person u are
then only said other people
not all also like to follow wat u want
if u want a person follow wat u said then better u buy a robot at home and use it as wat u like it to be

THIS YEAR THINGS CAN HAPPEN REALLY ALL DIFFERENTLY

2010-07-17T00:07:00.000-07:00

i already long time didnt write my blog.....may be this time i will write it long until no 1 want to read also
i dnt knw why others people can write so many for everyday
but for me not everyday things will happen so special all in the same routine
i already hate to be in the same routine for everyday
nothing i can do to make it interesting to my life
i like to dance but there no time for me to take any classes of dance
my time all is too pack for this nursing course
i scared may be 1 day i will become crazy by study this course
i like a freedom and enjoying lifestyle
but becoz of my parents want me to take this course i cant hav any freedom at all like others having now

sometime i think why god didnt giv me a nice decision for me to hav a beautiful life i want it my own
but i understand why god make all this to me
i hav to work hard to hav wat i really dream of all the things i want

the last half year i really use to much of time to play alot
this new half year i want to change myself
to be hardworking and also can play at the same time
hope i can do it ....

the last half year all things happen in a sudden i also cant expect why all this thing happen
sometime i think back all this situation i really upset and sometime happy
but mostly not happy at all
no1 will know about it
i like to keep in my heart
and everyday bring a smile on my face
i like forcing myself by doing all that
but all this make me grow up
if not i also dnt knw myself is wat kind of person and personality i having
i really hope i can hav a new and nice life going on after this
i dnt want alwaz be carrying all stress and sadness
it really heavy by carrying all those with me
but sometime i cant control myself to think bck all those
sometime i really want to be alone and cooldown myself

dnt knw why i cant continue to write
really hard for me to express my own word
no 1 can understand me
it like a really challenging game for me in this life

nothing special

2009-11-06T05:47:00.000-08:00

alteady so long i didnt post my blog
actually nothing special to post all the thing happen in the same routine
like a boring life , dnt knw when this will end
i want something new and fun for me
dnt want to stay in a boring life like no entertainment for myself
haiz........

bla la la....

2009-09-26T00:55:00.000-07:00

already lazy to update blog .......
this hari raya holiday i didnt go anywhere
so sad.....
want to meet my friend also no time
the assignment too much until my head already want to burst
my whole holiday just do assignment
and my group didnt help much just do a little
and the rest let me do they just know how to enjoy only
until i need to do all the assignment
haiz.....
why i alwaz hav a group like that

dont like it

2009-08-22T09:17:00.000-07:00

already so long didnt update my blog ler haha.....
sometime also lazy want to update it, many things hav to study and assignment high as hill i really be crazy of all that
dnt knw which should come 1st
and suddenly thing happen again to me
i really dnt like it dnt force me
i dnt knw wat to said already : (

tired (panda)

2009-06-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

already so long didnt update my blog it's becoz i were busy these few week and sometime dnt knw what to write also becoz my life is simple and like to be happy whatever happen on me.
that's the way i treat myself most of my frenz they also dnt knw what i'm really thinking about and my feeling too becoz i dnt like to show it in front of people like to be keep it in heart
when i cant withstand i will just pray and sometime talk to my own dnt think it....let it go on

i already many day didnt sleep well 1 day just sleep 2 or 3 hrs and sometime cant sleep also so headache and sleepy no mood. work morning shift also must wake up early walao...until report time also suffer cant concentrate also just fishing there haiz.....
i scared if continue like that i will fall sick then suffer sick again

nw i also dnt knw who am i already like already drink alcohol blur blur de
all my frenz also wat happen to me just blur when do thing haha.....
this month i spend so many money becoz of buying thing for my family
i also already decide to buy some thing to my frenz but i already spend so much on buying thing to family so i wont hav enough money to buy fro them
i feel so sorry to them plz forgive me frenz i really want to giv u all something but i cant
hope i go back to ipoh i have enough time to visit u all
i really miss u all so much

ah......miss u all and love u all too
but hope u all wont forget me
haha..........

Free Of Stress

2009-05-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

just finish exam yesterday and all my frenz plan to go to times square to hav shopping and play at cosmo. around 15 of us go there but all walk separately i and 2 of my frenz go to shopping there and the others go to cosmo and play.
after we having breakfast only start our shopping, in the morning already alot of people there
we shop the whole times square from ground floor until the highest it's fun and enjoying by releasing stress yuhu.........yeah
all of us buy many things until also pain by holding all those things but just long time once is like that de la haha........
1 of them want to cut her hair so we just wait her outside and seat at the bench, while waitting nothing to do i and my another frenz take photo at there becoz it's boring of waiting

all the things are cheaper so we buy alot of things
girl are like that like go shopping to be happy, fun, haha.....
wow.......today so tired of shopping walk the whole day

nurses day & the past

2009-05-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

today all the nurses wake up early getting to go to celebrate nurses day at desa water park,
i and my frenz feel so tired becoz of not enough sleep

already in the bus, listen to my music hehe....

view that on the way to desa water park

rises of the sun

when we arrive there we still need to line up and register to take the ticket and one bag that inside have roti, mineral water and a cup
when it open then all also walk in and look around the environment, 1st we go to the hall to gather there hav to listen to the opening speech and some game
but we didnt involve in the game just go and play
haha.....

when come to the place all also look like kids playing around
i and my frenz went to the shock wave and use a float and sit on it to enjoy
it's nice but when the sun getting hot i and my frenz jump down frm the float becoz it's too hot we just find a shelter place and play there. while playing we also enjoy the music and dance in the water it's cool yeah......

at 3pm something i already stop playing becoz already so tired and hot cant tahan ler
i go to take a bath i see my whole body already become darker OMG....
i already look dark nw more darker haiz......
after sometime only can my skin already sunburn, redness , hot, dry and pain on the skin
nowsday whether is hot and didnt hav rain make us easily get sick
the sunburn of the most serious part is my mouth dnt knw how can sunburn on my mouth
wa....its become red like already put on lipstick, dry and hot leh.....

after i take my bath then i and karen just rest on a bench and see others play when nothing to do i take picture using my phone

sitting under a big umbrella also feel hot and wind also not much like want to dip into the water and dnt want to come out frm the water.

we go back to college at 5 pm then ah pat said van will come at 7pm
1st i say dnt want to go but i'm feel very stress then i choose to go to see whether god can help.

today i pray for so long after all people walk out frm there i still sitting there with jessy and ying ying, i didnt feel like that before dnt knw why today i pray for so long and cry until non stop
i pray that my family can trust god, let me get out frm one of the problem, and my study also la
i thought i can forget about everything that had happen on me but when today i pray and said let all the things get out frm me but god make me to look back all the things that i realy dnt want to think so i just cry and cry
i continue to pray to god and say dnt let that person alwaz disturb me and kick it out of my life i already so stress on that person and study all together
haiz.....i say to god that i'm realy so tired ........to hav all this things disturbing my life
today so tired after playing at desa water park then cry somemore oh.....tired

2mrw need to study hard ler ...........

buying all my stok

2009-05-22T07:13:00.000-07:00

last night i sleep at 4 am then at 7 am my next door frenz knock my door and ask me ' is that confirm today no class' that time my eyes also cannot open then she ask this kind of question (angry)
after that i want to sleep back but cannot already awake but at 8am something i sleep back.
then again another time at 1oam pei ching come and find me and said to me 3 pm go to tesco and buy things that time i'm so blur and cannot open my eye too.
then i ask myself why like that alwaz have people knock my door in not appropriate time
i need to sleep ar........
then i already can't sleep back just wake up and sit on the chair to rest for half an hour only go to take a bath.

then at 3 pm i and pei ching take a cab go to tesco, we walk the whole tesco and already buy so much of things, i saw the things i want i just take it and see the price too.
there have one of the things i already long time didnt drink it then i just buy
haha.....

the resit so long haha,.....

wa.....i buy so much of things until more than rm100

i get shock of the price but no choice all the things i need de already finish
haiz.....spend money again

bo ming gia, gia lai zo

2009-05-21T08:16:00.000-07:00

today have communication & public relation exam, i just sleep 2 hours last night then i wake up and study again, then i go exam hall before i walk in to exam hall i have memories the points that are important but when i see the question my whole brain can be blank for that
i so angry already 2nd time i become like that

after exam we listen to tutor talk about MQA want to come then need us to go to class tomorrow to clean all the demo room. after she finish the talk then we go back to our room
wow.....so happy can go back and rest yeah.......
go back to my room then go to take a shower, suddenly a msg i receive said 'all must back to class and just wear simple t-shirt becoz hav to clean demo room nw then 2mrw no need to go to class '
after i saw that msg i quickly wear my clothes and go to class
that time i realy so tired not enough sleep but need to do work( faint......)
after all cleaning finish a senior said need 4 person to go dwn and help them
then i and some of my frenz follow her walk in a meeting office then i thought need to arrange all the document that was put on the floor de
senior then said to us tears all the paper that put on the box
oh my god ......that so many there and just 6 of us doing on that dnt knw need to do until what time haiz.....
beside that all of us hvnt eat lunch yet, all feel tired and not enough sleep + hungry
no energy want to faint ler still need to do things
after a moment we cannot tahan ler then msg others frenz come dwn and help
i very appreciate that they giv us a hand and help us to do it faster....
all of us tirying of tearing all that paper
i dnt knw why they dnt just take all that to go for recycle why must tears it until all of us hand also pain
ms. normah then ask us want de past year note or not then we all quickly said 'yes'
it can giv us additional knowledge if we didnt take it they will want us to tears all that so 'bazir'
look like they not save the tree but make it worse

tearing all those paper

all also beh tahan liao so hungry and headache still need to do all this
after we finish we rush to the indian restaurant to eat roti canai
haha....
but after all the tiredness we 2mrw no need to go to class wuhuuuuu........
can sleep until enough only wake up

help....i dont know what to do liao

2009-05-14T05:33:00.000-07:00

too long didnt write my blog
i also dont know what to write my life is so simple
last time i go to sunway to meet my friends there after church
when i arrive there i walk alone then i called my friends and ask where are there
that time they playing ice skating so i dont want to accompany them
but 1 of the friend was walking alone so i just call her to join me
then she want me to wait in front starbucks so i just stand there and wait
while waiting suddenly a african guy walk towards me and say hi ...
that time i started to scare because i was alone that time
he ask me many things i just answer some of it because i dont know him so i just talk with him simple only
after a while my friend come then i walk out with friend i didnt said anything when i walk out
haha.......dont know what he will think about me haha......

so my whole day was at sunway pyramid at the other moment we also meet some senior there
then we join them together and eat our dinner at mcdonald
after we have our dinner we continue and walk to digest our food
after a while we plan to go back, so we go and search car( senior friend car )
on the we walk also take some picture

behind sunway de hotel

one of the cafe that near sunway

view that outside the cafe

i dont know why all the african guy still non stop talk with me and want to know about me
before i like to friends with them but now i need to leave a distance with them
because i dont know who they are and not know them much

i pray to god dont let all kind of strange people come to me again
i already dont know what to do

today one of my x-bf suddenly msg me and said sorry to me bacause he said that he break with me because his friends think he a bad guy with some of the things
then he stop msg me for few month but today he said all that already too late
i already didnt love him anymore and dont like that kind of bf
suddenly disappear then suddenly come back again
dont know now guys like to think about what they thought girlz like tissue
when they want they will use when already finish using then throw it like that (angry)
he said to me he still love me but we cant together because of his friends but i and him still can be friends
ar.............dont know what he think
i just agree with that because i already get bored with him and didnt have any feeling ler
but i still angry with this kind of guy

GOD.........plz help me get out from those kind of guy
i already tired to have a bf like that

FUN IN TIMES SQUARE (1st Of May)

2009-05-04T07:12:00.000-07:00

after we arrive times square we then separate 2 group to go shopping
i, adelene and victoria are 1 group the first thing we go to search is a place to eat our breakfast but that time is lunch time we eat late
victoria like to take picture for all the food we eat

we eat at chicken rice shop, this was the set we order
it was delicious haha.......
chicken with mayonise
taugeh that look like ipoh de 'ngah choi kei' but the taste was much different

this was the last dish we eat, before we going back
when i was eating i suddenly saw a worker dancing but that guy thought i cant saw it ,
when i cannot 'tahan' ler i smile at him, he already shy haha......

after we eat our dinner then we past by a shop then we stop at there to take a look
we all saw this shirt and love it we plan to bought it together
we look like 3 sister haha.....
but very upsad was victoria dont want to bought

both of them bought many thing but me just a little because that day i not feeling well
so no mood to many things
haiz.......

i want to thanks victoria and adelene they take care of me when i'm not feel well
thanks my frenz

Problem That Suddenly Falls On Me

2009-04-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

today i really so tired until want to faint somemore not enough sleep
when staff nurse giv report i felt sleepy and don't know what i writing just like the whole mind not at that environment
after the report then i go with senior to do our things
i and faster finish our things then can take a short break
we go to have our breakfast when i order 'syrup' the worker there give me 'coffee'
i cant drink coffee start from form 2 but the worker already give it so i just take it
then i sit down and eat, when finish i continue my work to do observation .

after finish all observation then our CI want us to practice some procedure that time i start my gastric paint but just a little so i just ignore it just continue my practice
today have many new admission i take over all the new admission with 1 senior
i learning from senior how to give all the orientation to client and help senior
starting that time i busy until all my friends go for lunch i still doing my work
but i not hungry just gastric paint because already drink the coffee the effect come
after i finish my work they say who didnt go for rest then can go but i not going because i still need to follow senior to do other things, i want to learn from senior so i just withstand all the paint and continue work

when somebody said HR want all morning shift student go to meeting at CI room so i and my friends rush to the meeting because already late
that time i really want to faint ler
but i still rush to the meeting, half way the HR talk someone call then they answer the call and ask who have taken thermometer then everyone check their pocket but i didnt check because that i suffering my paint
then they give feedback nobody taking that thermometer
but after HR finish answer the call i heard God saying something to me
like saying there have something in my pocket so i just check it then i saw that thermometer in my pocket then i faster rush back to wad and return back
i rush the whole way then 1 of the senior look angry and said 'next time before leave the wad must check properly ' that i was breathless and gastric paint so i just ignore her
i know that senior many people dont like her so just take it what she said
another senior saw i was suffering gastric paint so she ask me go to eat something but i still need to rush back to meeting so i just rush back without eat

after the meeting i go to take the bus to go back to hostel
in the meeting i almost faint but i still can 'tahan'

a day that many thing happen on me
i pray to God to help me to release all the thing happen on me from my mind i dont want to think back it make me sad only

today i call my mom and say many thing that have happen
she also ask to go back when have holiday
but i just have 1 day holiday if i go back i will be tired by going back and come back on the same day, so i didnt go back but i really miss my home there no stress and live more comfortable
when talking with my mom i already want to cry but i always cry in front of her
i like to keep it in my heart.....

SIMPLE

2009-04-22T06:48:00.000-07:00

this few day was so sien la
dont know what can do just alwaz sit , sleep , and etc..
alwaz not enough sleep.

Other than that i feel many things already have a lot of changes just in this few month
why this generation people can change their attitude or personal behavior so fast like a rocket
hiaz.....
dont know what make them change to become like that
for me a simple life is enough n didnt have many things happen on me
later i will become like them
because my motto is BE HAPPY ALL THE THINGS WILL BE ALRIGHT
thats why if i sad i also will make myself to be happy
dont want to look sad in front of people
when i like that mostly of my friends said that i didnt hav any stress or things happen just stay a happy life, they thing i'm have a better life than them
actualy i hav more sad things happen than they all
they dont know because i wont say it out to everyone just keep in the heart
when i realy can withstand only i will said some to my really close frenz then i will feel better
all my frenz like to talk their problem to me, then i will give some advice or the way to solve it to them but when i have problem i dont know want to find who and said it to who.......

i dont know why i can feel what people thinking
thats make me feel so surprise and so suddenly before that i didnt have this kind of feeling

SAD

2009-04-16T08:46:00.001-07:00

i dont like this kind of treatment to all the patient
i cant accept it but i dont know why some of them can do it like that

today i got to sponging one of the patient in HDU, my clinical instructor bring us to there to do the procedure
becoz she want us to practice more so i and my frenz go in there n saw so many old age patient they hav so many tube on their body
i saw it also feel sad to them
they cant move n talk so restless i look at their face i also dont know what should i do to make them can be wake up and walk out from that ward. CI want us to prepare all the things that need to sponging, after finish prepare then i start to do the procedure that time CI walk out so i continue to do.

i started to talk with the patient that what i will do to her, the patient didnt said any thing but she open her eye a while when i talk to her that she is giving respone to me i so happy then i do the procedure gently to her becoz she is so skinny and weak. every thing that i do i will talk to her i know she can listen what i talk to her but she cant say it only, she can giv some response that she can open her eye a little. when i want to sponging her abdomen part n back part but CI suddenly come and see she said i do the procedure too gentle then she take the towel n she do it for us but she do it so 'kasar' didnt care about patient feeling how.
i saw CI do like that then i think myself 'if i was the patient i will dont like they do that on me like this i will complain n scold them' i can see the patient expression that she is in pain but CI still do it like that.
i just follow CI instruction to do it cant disobey or disagree what she do
when i saw CI do like that i feel sad to the patient also feel like crying but we cant do anything if CI need that
i just wait that CI walk out faster then i can help the patient but then CI still there i see the patient is so painful
i want to cry ......
but no choice i must hold my tears
hope that patient can get well faster

more confident

2009-04-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

today i learn more thing in the hospital
i so happy with that, this week i get this CI is my benefit lo
she also help me a lot n if i do wrong she will giv some advice then i can knw my negative at where
2mrw i hav to take cross frm CI but CI told us early that she will asked us what kind of thing giv

Today i talk chinese with chinese patient most of them also thought me a malay girl
when i talk in chinese then they will knw i'm a chinese girl
some also get shocked that i can speak chinese

i do afternoon shift today, about 9pm one of the patient need to go to ICU
the patient parents is so many, the patient was talk to a phone that call frm USA
i can see his face so happy n anxiety too
before he will send to ICU
after the patient went out frm the room his family walk in to his bed n packed something to bring back to wash...
when i walk pass by the room i saw his relative was crying becoz scared the operation will ok or not....when i saw that i hav the heart want to pray for them also
pray for the patient will safe in his operation
hope 2mrw i go to ward i can heard good news from him la....
god bless him

day in hospital

2009-04-14T08:38:00.000-07:00

nw is the 2nd week of posting in hospital
i feel ok nw the 1st i went to hospital i feel scared and anxiety
i dont know how to communicate with patients
my clinical instructor said i need more practice in communicate
she said me too quiet
i know myself is like that
so i need sometime to change myself
i nw start trying to communicate with patient
some patient also talk with me like frenz
i'm so happy with that but work in hospital was so tired n lost more energy
i didnt like to sleep at afternoon but nw becoz too tired i like to sleep in the afternoon if morning shift, i misssed all my frenz in ipoh
i want to go back to visit them but still hav long time to wait
i missed them so much